


Goodbye, Love, Goodbye

by MuggleMaybe



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Community: HPFT, M/M, Marauders, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-28
Updated: 2016-05-28
Packaged: 2018-07-10 18:31:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6999691
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MuggleMaybe/pseuds/MuggleMaybe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You love him, but he is always being torn away.</p><p> </p><p>  <em>A WolfStar.</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, Love, Goodbye

**Author's Note:**

> This story can be read starting with the first (top) sentence and continuing in the normal way, AND starting with the last sentence and reading your way up.
> 
> I tried to make this work for both Sirius' arrest and his death. Thanks so much for reading!
> 
> JKR owns the Potterverse

  
**Goodbye, Love, Goodbye**

* * *

In that moment, everything changed.

_(The dream solidifies in front of you, but it is not the dream you would have chosen; this is no fairy tale.)_

You blinked your eyes in the hazy sunshine, and in that eyelash of time the world shifted its course. A memory floated before you, precious and infinitely foolish: Sirius under the beech tree, bathed in gold. He sungunder your touch, those swift caresses masquerading as boyish gestures. A symphony in your soul. _(You are perfect, you say, and his kisses brush their sweet gossamer along your neck and down, down, toward infinity.)_ He was stunning, haloed by bursts of blinding light, and yet conversely, deliciously, devilish. Your gaze traced the lines of his body, lithe but strong. _(Hold me closer, closer, closer.)_ Even in that final, twisted image, you warmed at the sight of his lilting grin, recalling the barking laugh that so eloquently drew your own more hesitant chuckle to the surface. He was wonderful, full of wonder, and although time eventually corroded the word into something that no longer fit, this remained the utter truth.

It struck you, suddenly, how many girls you had pushed away over the years – it was for their own good, you’d claimed, for their safety – and only when it was far too late did you realize this was never the reason. _(Don’t be such a gentleman, Moony.)_ God, he was irresistible. You would have risked everything if it meant you could hold him in your arms and his handsome face would flush pleasantly as he returned the embrace, as he did for her. She could not have begun to imagine how you envied it. _(Fingers brush over warm skin, taut muscle.)_ Marlene had soft edges and delicate hands and a sunny disposition, none of which you could ever hope to offer. The competition was unbearable in your school days, especially because it wasn’t truly a competition at all.  You stitched your shadows together in your dreams, ignoring the truth that you were a cloak he never sought to wear. You were desperate for him and you ought to have been ashamed of that, but you weren’t. You looked at him and the wanting both thrilled and pained you, that deep ache, a hunger almost as powerful as your full-moon bloodlust, though of a very different flavor.

If only he hadn’t spent so much time hiding.

Oh yes, despite it all, you loved him. _(I love you, too.)_

You had loved him, but did you love him still, even with the truth laid before you so starkly, so cruelly? _(I love you.)_ How could such a thing be allowed to happen? Only now that the knowledge was nothing but ashes, useless, did the world learn the true nature of the man you loved. You wished you could turn back time and tell them all exactly who Sirius Black was, reveal to them the rhythm of his heart, and allow so many now shattered lives to remain whole. _(Please. Just give me a chance.)_ It was impossible. Your gut twisted as reality sunk in. The _Prophet’s_ headlines were far from trustworthy, but it would have been an absurd feat of optimism not to believe them. Ultimately, even you had to accept the truth. He always did have a temper, and you smiled bitterly at the memory of how fiercely capable he was of conquering the world, but then you remembered yourself, and your heart broke almost audibly at just how jarringly capable he’d turned out to be.

Perhaps the strangest thing was realizing how wrongly you cast the roles. You always assumed you would be the one to disappear, to crumble under the weight of monstrosity and lash out in a desperate struggle for escape. It wasn’t a matter of choice, or even character, but a matter of inevitability. _(I’m trying.)_ Somehow you blamed yourself, picked up the weight of it all and tethered it to your back out of pure habit, and you knew it was illogical, but your brain was too exhausted to argue.

_(Sirius, Sirius, Sirius. He pulses through you.)_

The world could’ve ended and you would not have noticed. The man you knew and loved, the unyielding man you lusted after, was dead. He’d gone down fighting. His loss painted your heart with his name, swamping you in blackness you knew you could never escape.

_(You dream of him, always, and whether they are nightmares or fantasies is impossible to decide.)_

Sirius, your Sirius, lived no more.


End file.
